Loving Anne

Exactly six months ago, on August 4th, I was at work in a meeting room. I had just finished an online meeting when my phone rang. The caller was listed as “Healthcare”. I answered it. On the other end was UW Harborview Emergency Room. They informed me that Anne had been in a serious accident and had a severe brain injury. You all know the rest. Anne died 10 days later on August 14th.

It’s still hard to believe that Anne is gone. Kate and I have mostly come to terms with it at this point. We don’t have much choice. But it still feels so wrong. And so unfair. Kate and I wanted so much more time with Anne. We still had lots of future plans – places we wanted to visit, things we wanted to do together. We will love Anne forever. She’ll always be with me in my heart. And in Kate’s.

Here is what I read at Anne’s Celebration of Life on Saturday, October 18th, 2025

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Thank you all for coming this afternoon to celebrate the life of a truly wonderful person. Anne was the love of my life and an incredible mom to our daughter Kate. I treasure the life we built together and I miss her every single day. Seeing so many of you here — friends, Bryant staff, PTSA members, volunteers, and our dear host Lisa — reminds me of the incredible community Anne was part of. Your presence and support mean the world to Kate and me, and I’m deeply grateful to everyone who made this gathering possible.

I’d like to start off with a couple quotes that Anne was fond of and used often. You might have even heard her say one of these. The first one is:

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”

That quote is sometimes attributed to Dr. Seuss but there is some dispute whether he actually ever said or wrote that. Regardless, it reflects the kind of gratitude Anne lived by and I loved her for that. But to be honest, I’ve cried buckets over losing Anne so for me, it’s not the most fitting quote for this occasion.

The next quote Anne was fond of has a much clearer attribution and I can really get behind it. It goes like this:

“I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows”

That one is from Bart Simpson and demonstrates the breadth of Anne’s humor but it also pretty well captures how I’ve felt these past two months. Anne’s absence has left a huge void in our lives. I miss my best friend, my morning coffee partner, my sous chef, my co-pilot, my bananagrams opponent, my comedienne and my confidante. 

As many of you know, Anne and I met 23 years ago on Match.com. Hers was one of the few profiles without a photo, but what it did have was smart, funny prose about being a 34 year old woman hoping to find love. I wrote to compliment her sense of humor and ask about some of the movie references in her profile. Emails led to phone calls, which led to a first date—then 2 years of dating, and 20 wonderful years of marriage. I realized it then, and have only become more convinced of it as the years went by…I got pretty lucky when I met Anne.

From our first communication, it was obvious that Anne had a great sense of humor and our conversations were effortless. She was incredibly easy to talk to. That’s something I would observe in her over the many years of our relationship…the ease she had in meeting someone, subconsciously sizing them up, and knowing exactly the right way to engage that person, creating an ally in the process. She did that with kids and adults alike. Anne had a tremendous amount of empathy as part of her makeup. Combine that with her humor and a great laugh, and you had a winning combination.

I so enjoyed building my life with Anne, going on many adventures, and eventually starting a family when we welcomed our daughter Kate. With the qualities I’ve already mentioned and with her educator background going back to her mother, you can understand why Anne was such a great mom. I feel truly blessed that our daughter Kate had 16 and half years with Anne. Anne instilled so many core values in her—sometimes directly, sometimes just by example. And I love the young woman that Kate has become.

As much as we bonded over movies, we also bonded over music. We shared plenty of common music interests including The Beatles, Pink Floyd, and The Cure, and together we attended many wonderful shows including Flaming Lips with Beck, Peter Gabriel, David Bowie, Paul McCartney, and Elvis Costello. One of my favorite music memories was spending three hours with Anne in the Victoria and Albert Museum in London at the Pink Floyd exhibit. Just two days before her accident, we had gone to the Death Cab for Cutie concert at Climate Pledge Arena. At dinner before the show, Anne reminded me that I’d introduced her to that band early in our dating days.

Anne introduced me to a lot of things as well including This American Life with host and writer Ira Glass and also to writer humorist David Sedaris. We probably saw David Sedaris read at Benaroya Hall at least half a dozen times if not more. He would often use these readings to test out new life stories that would go into an upcoming book. I still remember one night when David was recounting buying a beach house with his partner Hugh. He remarked that all of the beach houses had names already, most of which were bad puns, often with a nautical theme. But he was determined that their new house would be different. They decided to name it “Sea Section”. That line got a loud hearty laugh from Anne…something I never got tired of hearing.

One of the things I’ll miss the most about Anne are the wonderful vacations we took, whether it was a road trip to Sunriver Oregon and then on to Cannon Beach, or one of our trips to Europe. Our first big trip together was our honeymoon to Italy. We fell in love with each new city or hilltown we visited. Even our chaotic attempt to return a rental car in Rome became one of our favorite stories to retell. A few months ago, we returned to Italy, and visited Switzerland and Amsterdam for the first time. Anne and Kate are wonderful travel partners and I’m so grateful we got to take that trip together.

Another thing I have to mention are the wonderful human beings that came along with Anne as part of the package…Bonnie, Julia, Ryan, Craig, Trevor, Lisa, Corey…and so many more. Some were coworkers who became lifelong friends, some were friends she met on the way. And of course one of Anne’s closest relationships was with her dear sister Lisa. Anne knew how to nurture a friendship like no one else. I hope to carry those friendships long into the future.

Two days after the accident, I was talking to my mom one morning and she shared some thoughts that were going through her head while she couldn’t sleep…aphorisms that might be helpful for me to keep in mind. One in particular stood out…

”What would Anne do?”

Well, let’s think about it. Anne approached most problems with curiosity, reason, empathy, determination, and yes, humor. “What would Anne do?” I’ve gone back to that many times, trying to use it as a guiding principle in getting through this and making good choices. 

When Anne was in the hospital, I said in my blog that I was trying to balance my despair with gratitude. That’s something Anne often talked about….gratitude…especially when things are hard. Well, things are pretty trying right now and my heart is broken, but here’s my gratitude. I got to spend 23 wonderful years with an incredible woman and call her my wife. And Kate got to spend 16 years with an exceptional mother and role model. Anne is inside me, inside Kate, and inside everyone she touched. She became part of our stories — and we’ll carry her with us always. 

I love you Annie and I always will.